no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Dick very happy bro
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize