Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
