TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
