you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
