I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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