When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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