I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
