Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
