I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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