Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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