How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
