Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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