Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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