i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Boobs are out for the taking
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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