Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I think I just sharted jello shots
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