I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
