just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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