Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
