I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
