He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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