Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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