then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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