i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
