Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Randomize
