giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm like, not good at living.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
The ass gains better be worth it
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