you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
