Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Vodka?
Forever.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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