That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
