the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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