Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
