im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
