My brain says no but my pants say off.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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