There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize