So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
