i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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