he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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