so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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