real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
