And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
