"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
