You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
