HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
