You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
