Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
