guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
