Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
its not stalking. its research.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
