if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
