I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
