I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
