Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
