I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
That's how pantless uber rides happen
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
