Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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