i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
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Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
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I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
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