Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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