oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
