You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
