Even the bartender felt bad for me
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
we're making bets on your personal life
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
