your thong is hanging out like whoa
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
