I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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