two words: eviction party
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
