Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize