you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
