Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
