Little spoons don't ask big questions
do herpes really smell.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
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