ugly people sure do ruin things
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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