Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
